At my football game last night, I watched a girl knock a few bitches down. I shouted, “HEY! Wanna play roller derby?” at her and then rammed the CCDD email address into her hand. Do you knock bitches down? Do you wanna knock bitches down? Do you know girls who could knock bitches down or dudes who want to try men’s derby? THE TIME HAS COME. CCDD is recruiting. We’re looking for people, THAT’S RIGHT, PEOPLE, 18 years of age and up, who want to get involved in this crazy ride as players, referees or eager volunteers. Volunteers can be under 18.
But…but…I don’t know how to skate?
Whatever. We spend the off-season teaching you how to skate, then how to play.
I don’t have skates?
WAH! You can rent them from us. We hardly charge for rentals…just enough to keep the skates maintained.
But…um…I’m not sure I’m cut out for this.
That’s a fair comment. Which is why we’re having an Open House. Actually, we’re having two. On Sunday, September 23, 2012, and the following Sunday, September 30, 2012, from 6:00 p.m. until 9:00 p.m., at the Belltown Dome on 2915 Haughton Ave., so you can come and try it out and THEN decide if you could maybe, JUST MAYBE, play derby.
How does it work?
Well, you give us $15.00 ($10.00 if you have your own skates) and we put you through some basics. You’ll be introduced to the people who run the league and to all the amazing coaches who will be physically torturing you, while you have the time of your life. Derby’s a tough, full-contact sport so while we teach you skating fundamentals, we also “gradually” whip you into shape. AND, we offer competitive skating and non-competitive skating, so for those of you who are looking for something different to keep you moving but prefer a house league style of play, we’ve got you covered.
So what are you waiting for? Sign up. Right here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dDJBdTJXMm80M2NkWEJDWGNXcEtiQUE6MQ
Dig up your bike helmet, borrow some elbow and knee pads and steal some wrist guards. Fill a bottle of water. Pack your ID and health card. If you’ve got skates, you should bring those. If not…when you registered, you told us your shoes size and there will be skates waiting for you. Wear whatever you want…but if you wear shorts, get some leggings on so that you don’t risk rink rash.
IT’S JUST THAT EASY. No more delays. Bring a friend for moral support…we fully encourage spectators.
For those of you who are all like, “SCREW YOUR OPEN HOUSE! I JUST WANNA SIGN UP!” Well, go right ahead: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dFZSak82Um5KU0I1MTN2bXk2Y21DOHc6MQ#gid=0
Questions? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Wanna stalk us? Awesome. Here’s how:
Stop thinking…just click on the sign-up link. What’s the worst that can happen? You fall on your ass? Great. I spent all season doing that in front of spectators. So come one out. Have fun. Do something different. And be a part of something totally awesome.